


what if (you should decide that you don't want me there by your side)

by larreeds



Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: Episode: s03e09 Girl Meets Ski Lodge Part 2, F/M, Fluff, Love Triangles, i wanted this to happen so so so so much, you have no idea
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-04
Updated: 2016-08-04
Packaged: 2018-07-29 06:06:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7672963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/larreeds/pseuds/larreeds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>"I'm very, very glad I have you in my life, Lucas,” she tells him, holding her smile the best she can. ''And you’re the one that makes me the happiest.”</i><br/><i>Lucas glances at her, showing a friendly gaze when he admits, “I’m glad I have you in my life, too.”</i><br/><i>“You’re gonna be a wonderful first boyfriend,” Riley says, approaching him with small jumps on the couch of Bay Window. Lucas smiles uncomfortable, he never felt like this. It’s the feeling like the world is just about a minute from exploding.</i><br/><i>Nevertheless, Riley’s words had the worst effect they could have, he’s on the edge of giving up his group so he wouldn’t hurt any of these girls. For a western hero, he does look pretty much like a villain. </i> </p><p>or: how things would've gone if Lucas had chosen Maya.</p>
            </blockquote>





	what if (you should decide that you don't want me there by your side)

**Author's Note:**

> this is for nei ❤ comments and kudos are really, really appreciated.

Maya Hart was never any good at using words, or feelings, or anything that wasn't as abstract as arts. Or living, for that matter, she sucked at that too. Especially because she wasn't so fond of putting herself in front of her friends.

The words part, yeah, she doesn't actually know what she is going to do when she finds her hands grabbing Lucas' t-shirt as tight as they could and by that, no way in hell she knows the words that are going to come out of her mouth.

"Okay, Huckleberry, little golden sunshine head is right." Maya doesn't know how she said it, especially because everything is so fast. One time they're talking, then she's pulling him by his t-shirt and now they're sitting together at the campfire and she's struggling to finish her sentence because everything is happening so damn fast. "This triangle needs to be put out of its misery, and there's only one way to do it."

Lucas looks confused, a whisper leaves his mouth as he fixes up his jacket, "How?"

"Well," Maya starts, gesticulating wildly. "We all know you chose somebody. We all know it's the right choice, and we know it's the only choice you can possibly make."

That's when everything stopped for Lucas. Maya had used the word _right_ a few times and none of them were to describe herself. And as much as he wants to talk, he knows how important this is to her. She looks serious, with both hands glued to her thighs as she talks sarcastically about the major problem of their lives. She raises her brows every time she makes an affirmation, as if she’s so sure of what's she's talking about.

However, Lucas doesn't get any of it. He frowns his head, trying to understand. "We do?"

"Sure we do!" she tells him excitedly. "Because we know you like both of us, but we also know there's only one of us that makes your little cowboy heart go _clippety-clop._ ”

Lucas lights up a smile, she gets him. Maya may have this weird way of showing it, but she cares about him and she _gets_ what he's thinking. And because he also knows her, he knows what she's about to do, so he tries to speak up, "You're right. You said that right, you said that completely right-"

"And it's me."

 _What?_ he thinks. Okay, he had wished that Maya would step up for herself once in a while but it's just too far from what he imagined. He had this whole lecture ready to go and now he has nothing. Literally nothing, because nothing comes out of his mouth at all. This is not Maya, this is not the girl he knows and as much as he wants this, something is wrong. Completely, utterly wrong.

"Ummm...”

"So it's you and me forever?"

 _Yes. No. Yes? No. Yes. Yes. No. No. No. No._ His head is a mess. He didn't prepare himself for Maya, like, never. He never tried to look at him like Maya's potential boyfriend or just...Maya's. That'd never go well, because, well, it's Maya. It's trouble maker, sassy, messy Maya. _Maya._ Of all people, not Riley, but Maya. That just doesn't sound right. He repeats the sound, "Ummm."

"Also, I want you to stop talking to that Riley girl."

Lucas knows that at this moment, Maya is not Maya. Maya would never, ever, try to put Riley down or be mean to anyone that doesn’t really deserve it. He’s so confused because he really likes her, but that’s just not Maya. The Maya he knows would never cause anyone sadness but herself.

"Maya..." he says, a cough almost leaving his throat.

She grins at him. "You can't hurt me, can you?"

 _No. Never._ But he admits to himself that something is really wrong with her at the moment, something that may be hurting her and she just wants to hear that somehow he can't hurt her.

"I could never hurt you," he tells her, looking at her eyes.

She closes her eyes and there’s a burning sensation in her heart as she remembers thinking, 'how could you not like him?' all over again. Because she does, and she does so very much, but it isn't right. He's not a prize, but Riley loves him and he loves Riley and being in the middle of it would be breaking her into a million pieces.

Maya softens her voice, "This is why you're such a nice guy."

And she realizes that maybe, just maybe, this is the reason they were never be meant to be. Because together, they're like _fire,_ and fire is destructive. They'd destroy everything in their path, and Maya simply can't bear any other endings in her life.

"This is why I really wish I had a smoothie right now," she mutters to herself. Her thoughts don't stop there, they continue. And she admits to herself that she doesn't _deserve_ someone like Lucas, because she'd ruin everything, because they're just too different. "I don't want a nice guy?" she wonders.

Maya turns around to face Lucas.

"Yikes."

And before he can even say anything, she asks him a favor. One that he just couldn't stop. "Okay, Huckleberry, if you care about me, here's what you do,"

Something inside him is saying, _I do care about you, what should I do?_ and the other part answers it, _Tell her what you want to do,_ but he can't hurt anyone. He doesn't want to be the reason Maya thinks she doesn't deserve someone nice neither be the reason Riley doesn't think she'll find a love like her mom and dad's. Lucas Friar never signed up to be anything, nor a prize or someone as important as they make him believe he is.

Maya approaches her face, nodding it as she continues, "If you care about me, go find Riley. Tell her you love her."

Lucas tries to laugh away the tension over his shoulders. There’s an amused grin on his face.

"Love her?" he says hesitantly.

Maya shrugs. "Just say it - we like it."

He thinks perhaps that's what Maya needs to hear, an 'I love you' that comes with honesty and sincerity, so he hugs her. At first he's very much uncomfortable doing so because he'd never thought that would be what Maya's body pressed against his chest would feel like, but then the girl's nails dig up harder on his jacket as she carefully closes her eyes, wishing that that moment would last forever. Lucas smiles and squeezes her back, wishing that they could be together. It’s a wonderful moment, and a part of his brain’s just telling him that Maya and him - something about it just works. As if they were meant to be, like they were made from the same star.

 _"You,"_ he whispers.

"What did you say, Huckleberry?" she asks confused, quietly leaving his body.

"I said thank you."

Maya smiles, giving a gentle brotherly hit on his shoulder. "I mean...what are friends for?"

 

 

Riley is right next to him and he's wandering the room for two hours. He had made his decision two weeks ago, when he just wasn't able to say everything he liked about Maya during their little jellybean game. She kept surprising him, and he kept adding things he liked about her to his growing list every day. That other day she smiled at him and he felt a butterfly effect all over his body, that warm tingly feeling that simply couldn’t be expressed in words, and that scared him.

But that's what love's supposed to do, to get you scared and mad and waiting for what's next without knowing it. It's the uncertainty with the simultaneous certainty that you'll have it forever. It's the debate that the same person that makes you the happiest could also be the person that makes you the saddest. It's the power it has over you. How you change and how people are changed by it.

And when he looked at Maya that day, he _knew._

Lucas loves Riley, he really does. He doesn't want to hurt her because she doesn't deserve it. Of course she doesn’t. No one does. But she's there, just waiting for him and he's waiting for someone else.

Riley glances at him, waving awkwardly. "Hi."

Lucas puts both of his hands inside his pocket and nods at her, approaching to the Bay Window, where she's seated.

"So?" she asks him. It's like a 'What’s up?' but way more important than that. Lucas knows she's waiting for an answer and he may have gasped three times for the two minutes he was there.

"So?" he replies, a fake smile showing up.

"Lucas, I like you-" she tells him.

"I like you, too, Riley," he admits. "I really do."

She grins, her hands trying to find his. "That's good."

Once she grips on his finger, he moves away from her. Not like, _away,_ but he definitely isn't as close as he was before. Lucas believes that it's better if the words take as long as they need to.

Riley has the 'what's happening I don't like what's happening right now’ expression written all over her face, and something inside him breaks just by looking at her as the minute passes by.

"But... I like Maya, too, Riley," he says, trying not to look at her. "And don't get me wrong, but I really, really love talking to you and you're the one I love talking to-"

Riley frowns her forehead, showing off her confusion. "What are you trying to say?"

"It's not you," he looks for her hand and guides it to his chest. "It's me."

The thing is, Riley immediately knew what he meant because that’s almost the same excuse Maya had made on the subway to finish things with Lucas, and she's not mad.

 _Well, maybe Lucas is not ending things between them? Maybe all he is trying to say that he likes her despite the fact that he also likes Maya?_ And the thought hit Riley's mind like a ton of bricks because they're a triangle and everyone talks about how a triangle has three sides and one of them is obviously going to get hurt, but that's not the worst part. Because from Maya's perspective, their story comes to an end without them being friends and Riley just doesn't want that for them. She doesn't want them not to be friends.

Riley stares at him, this time more serious and direct. He doesn't bother to glance back, he's too afraid to face her. "What are you trying to say?"

 _Nothing,_ he thinks. _Absolutely nothing._ Lucas knows the whole 'people change people' catch phrase, but he'd never think that the not very well known 'words change people' would resonate in his head so much. Riley grins at him.

"I'm very, very glad I have you in my life, Lucas,” she tells him, holding her smile the best she can. ''And you’re the one that makes me the happiest.”

Lucas glances at her, showing a friendly gaze when he admits, “I’m glad I have you in my life, too.”

“You’re gonna be a wonderful first boyfriend,” Riley says, approaching him with small jumps on the couch of Bay Window. Lucas smiles uncomfortable, he never felt like this. It’s the feeling like the world is just about a minute from exploding.

Nevertheless, Riley’s words had the worst effect they could have, he’s on the edge of giving up his group so he wouldn’t hurt any of these girls. For a western hero, he does look pretty much like a villain.

The whole world seems to stop for a minute while he looks at Riley because he’s scared of what comes next. He never knew the next one minute would mean so much. She looks at him and raises her eyebrows, waiting for something else and he stutters, trying to find the words he’s chewing inside his mouth.

Riley caresses his hand and smirks to herself. “To Maya.”

 _Alright,_ he thinks. _Wait! What?_

“Yeah, Maya,” he says out loud, thinking about her. Her face pressed against his shoulder while the scent of her mango shampoo comes to his mind. Maya. Yeah. Maya.

“Wait. What about her?” he asks, still confused.

“It’s not you, or me. It’s Maya.”

Lucas looks inside Riley’s eyes for the first time since they started the conversation and he doesn’t notice when he starts to squeeze her hand. He doesn’t know if the scariest part was really liking _liking_ Maya, or admitting it to himself, because that’s the moment he does it. That’s the moment he looks at Riley and he misses Maya’s blue eyes.

The boy has a very confused look on his face because it’s too much, even for him. “What did you say?”

“I said,” Riley goes for Lucas’ chin, holding it carefully, “It’s Maya. She’s the one you chose, isn’t she?”

He opens his mouth, but no words come out. How can Lucas possibly think of words when all of this is happening? Feelings? Endings? Friendship? Everything. The deafening silence seems to pierce him like a knife.

“Lucas, I know you didn’t choose me because I know how you end things, and that’s what you were doing to me. Ending things.”

“Riley, I-,” he says, though not really knowing what to say. “I just-I don’t know? I’m sorry?”

“It’s my best friend we’re talking about, remember? There’s nothing in this world I want more than Maya’s happiness. And I don’t think she’ll ever have that without you.”

Lucas smiles at her, reaching for her waist to give her a friendly hug. He closes his eyes and he’s just really grateful because he has Riley in his life, he knows that he can count on her whenever necessary. Riley’s an optimistic person that believes in everyone regardless of what they’ve done and he admires that about her.

He hugs her tightly, and she buries her face in his jacket.

“Lucas?” she whispers against his jacket, he almost doesn’t hear it.

“Yes?” he answers, without changing their positions.

“We’ll always be friends, right?”

He smiles. “Always.”

 

 

It’s not until everyone’s inside the bus that Lucas decides he’s up to fixing things with Maya. He tells himself that’s because she needed the time to adjust herself, but deep down he knows he wanted it to be calm and quiet, without anybody but the two of them, just like that time at the campfire.

She’s sitting in the Bay Window after her conversation with Josh. Maya’s looking at the trees and drawing and it’s so wonderful to see her like that; he’s just not used to it.

She messes up a trace while drawing, frowning and scrunching up her face. Lucas laughs at her direction. Maya notices his presence and immediately stops what she’s doing.

“Why’d you stop?” he asks, concerned.

Maya covers her art with her arm. Lucas feels like he couldn’t be any more like a coward, even if he wanted, when he looks at her. But he remembers that if love isn’t a thrill, then it isn’t love at all.

“What are you doing here?” she replies back.

“I asked first,” he says.

She shrugs, grabbing the drawing and handing it to him. “It’s a stupid leaf, alright? Now, what are you doing here?”

It’s _not_ just a leaf, it’s a small leaf, hanging alone. It’s not old or withered either, it just fell from where it was supposed to be.

“Why’d you pour that smoothie over my head?” Lucas asks, trying to get a serious answer this time.

“Because I wanted to mess you up,” she clarifies, staring at him. “Why? How’s things gone with Riles?”

It’s important to Maya to remember that’s she’s in a _triangle_ with Riley, that no matter if he shakes her up, it’s in the girl code she shouldn’t be feeling like this, ever.

He grins, getting closer to her. “Why did you pour that smoothie over my head?”

“Because you’re too nice, too perfect and I’m tired of that because if you’d let life mess with you just a bit-”

“Then we wouldn’t be so different?” Lucas interrupts.

Maya frowns her head, trying not to look at him. “No.”

Her body walks away from his and the words do not come out of her lips because there’s nothing to say, there’s no sentence to complete.

“Then why?” he questions, following the same path she’s making to get away.

“Because,” she stutters, facing the window. When she turns her body to him, she continues, “Because you wouldn’t be so boring.”

Maya tries her best to keep as far away as she can from him but he just copies every step she makes and they’re glued together. It’s so difficult for Maya to simply accept someone’s persistence because other than Riley, Shawn and her mom, no one ever did really persist to get to her.

It’s been a minute and a half since she started to look out of the window because she can’t look back and be face to face with him. Facing him would give a point to _nature._

She can’t control her feelings.

“Why do you keep following me, Huckleberry?” she shouts, stamping her feet on the ground like a spoiled child.

“I asked you first. Why did you pour smoothie over my head?” he persists, but the room goes silent. Lucas holds her shoulders to stop her from leaving and points a finger at her before he asks, “Do you wanna know what I think?”

“No,” she directly answers.

Lucas doesn’t give a damn about Maya’s opinion, he doesn't even consider it before saying, “I think you’re scared.”

Maya laughs sarcastically. “Of you? Not even a fly is scared of you, Huckleberry.”

Maya steps away from Lucas and he doesn’t follow her. She glances over her shoulders and raises an eyebrow. “You're not coming?”

He signalizes with his head, looking down to his feet. “Nope. I’m staying right where I am.”

Maya is _tired_ , she wants to go home and never hear about nature again or feelings or triangle or Lucas because she'd not only promised a future with Josh but because she’s a quitter and she’s going to most definitely going to quit everything if it’s too hard on her, which it’s been since she caught Lucas glancing at her whilst they were on the campfire.

Well, it started before that, _way_ before that for her.

But she goes back because she’s reckless and curious.

“What do you want from me?” she asks. The sound of her voice shows her weakness and confusion and he wants to get her out of her own sadness.

“I just want to show you something,” he explains.

“Then we can leave?” she asks and he nods.

Lucas grips on her wrist and pulls her to the Bay Window, next to him. She has an impatient look on her face like she just wants to get out of there but nature hates her and wants her there no matter what. To be fair, the feeling’s mutual - she hates nature, too. Damn nature.

She also hates how cold it’s outside but she feels like she’s burning on the inside; she hates how Lucas is looking like her expecting her to say something and she just doesn’t know what to do, and she definitely hates that he also doesn’t know what he’s doing. She hates feelings, she wishes she was 9 years old and her only problem was that she wasn’t Riley’s biological sister. And her daddy issues.

She hates how Lucas is still looking at her. _God, stop._ It’s like campfire all over again.

“What you want? I want to go home,” she complains.

Lucas reaches his pocket and hands her a small box with a purple jellybean inside.

Maya looks confusedly at him. “I’m not hungry.”

“That’s Riley,” he explains. She doesn’t have a clue. “I tried to even up you two in a jellybean balance. This, inside the box, is Riley.”

“You’re going to show off to me that you chose Riley? Wow, Huckleberry, that’s not so nice for a nice guy,” she says, matter-of-factly. Lucas brings a hand to his forehead, _when will she ever let him explain?_

“I brought this with me today because I knew you were going to make me choose Riley, so I did,” he says.

Maya is _really, really_ trying to avoid his eyes like they’re forbidden because he’s trying to cheer her up and she’s just not into that. Lucas notices that and moves his hand towards her until his fingers touch hers and she _has_ to look at him.

The same weak, lost voice she had during the campfire comes back. “Why did you do that?”

He looks at her, now catching Maya’s whole hand. “Because I wanted to.”

“Stop, then!” she says, moving her hand away. “You chose Riley, I get that! I’ve moved on and you should too.”

“I didn’t,” he says.

Maya wants to say she didn’t feel like the world had stopped at that very moment, but it did. It did stop with Lucas looking at her and trying to hold her hand; it did stop with anyone else but them in the room, looking at each other. The world had stopped moving, and the only thing that mattered was them.

“...what?” She’s breathless, scared and confused - a thousand thoughts rushing through her brain. No words come out.

“When I was trying to make a decision, the more I thought about you, the more I understood there was no choice to make,” he glances at her, but Maya’s mouth is still half open and there’s still a puzzled expression on her face. “So, I didn’t.”

“What do you mean?”

“I...I like you, Maya,” he tells her, approaching her as he holds her hand.

“And how’s Riley?” she asks, worried. “Did you tell her?”

“Yes,” He nods, trying to get her to say something. “She’s Riley, what did you expect from her?”

Maya looks down and sees that her knee is almost touching Lucas’ and that their fingers are so close to each other.

This boy, whom she likes very much, just said he likes her, too and that’s a feeling unfamiliar to her. If Maya could draw her heart right now, there would be all kinds of flowers and animals and the whole canvas would be red. So, so much red to represent all the love she’s getting.

Maya Hart was never good at feelings, or love. She was terrible at pretending things, too, because that didn’t stop Riley from finding out how she felt about Lucas and now she’s relieved her best friend found out before she could even think about it.

Lucas is smiling and they’re just silent. It’s quiet, and calm, and they can almost hear each other’s heartbeat. Maya wonders if looking at Lucas counts like she just looked at a shooting star because that’s what he looks like for her, a shooting star that’s shining so bright in the dark night sky. And something she’d only see once and somehow she’d always keep herself looking at the sky to see if it would come back.

 

It did.

“Maya,” he says so softly so only she can hear him, sweeping a lock of her beautiful blonde hair from her face.

Maya snaps out of a trance and looks up at him. “What?”

“I like you,” he says.

Maya smirks, trying to catch his hand with her own. They look at each other again.

“I like you too, Huckleberry.”

They laugh, and she slips her hand into his.

Maya Hart was never any good at using words, or feelings, or anything that wasn't as abstract as arts. But she now understood what it meant to romantically love someone, and it was the best feeling in the world.


End file.
